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A Pennsilfaanisch Fairytale

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A Pennsilfaanisch Fairytale

Well, long ago, in Weisseechland over in Lengeschder, there lived a woman who would cry every night as she rocked her son, Tschanni [Johnnie], to sleep.  The years went by and the boy would ask, “Why do you cry, mother?”

“Because when your father died, an evil man cheated us and stole our land away,” she said.

“When I am grown,” Tschanni said, “I will recover what we have lost.”

“No, you dare not,” the woman said.  “I forbid you to try!  That man is an evil man who can do more than eat bread.”  Which is to say the man was a sorcerer.

Well, the years passed, Tschanni grew up into a strong young man, and every time when he saw his mother weep, he said, “Don’t worry, mother, I’ll go and return what is ours.  I’m not afraid.”

Finally the woman relented, and let Tschanni go.  He took a tomahawk and set out on his way.  It was not too long he came to the evil man, Old Mr. Heichlar’s house.  But Mr. Heichlar, he wasn’t there, only his stepdaughter was.   Her name was Lisabeth, I seem to recall.

“Who are you?” she asked, “And why have you come?”

“I have come to take back the land your father stole from my family.”

Lisabeth knew that her step-father was an evil man, and so she resolved to help Tschanni.  Also, she had never seen such a handsome young man before and she was smitten with.  “I have an idea to help you,” she said.

“What is it?” Tschanni asked.

“If you marry me,” the girl said, “I will make sure my step-father gives back your lands before the wedding.”  She was one of those girls, you see, that you can’t help but fall in love with.  She was beautiful and kind and Tschanni, he fell in love with her right then and there, and agreed to marry her.

“I will come back tomorrow and ask your step-father for your hand.”

When Tschanni left, Lisabeth went through her father’s things as she tried to find the deed of the land that belonged to Tschanni’s family.  What she found instead was a black book, printed in red ink.  Now this is the Sixth and Seventh Book of Moses, you see.  It’s an evil book that someone can wreak all kinds of mischief with.

Now Lisabeth started reading, just out of curiosity, mind you, and before long she read until she was fast.  That is, she was ensnared by the power of the book.  When that happens any number of devils can appear and lay hold of you, and that’s what happened to poor Lisabeth.

This devil, Hokemann, by name, came along and found Lisabeth.  He took her into his power and had her pull up all the onions and plant them with the heads up because those are the kind of things that devils do.  They delight in mischief and cruelty.  Well then Hokemann took a bucket and knocked out the bottom and told her to fill it, Lisabeth was still trying to fill that bucket when her step-father returned.  Old Man Heichlar saw his stepdaughter was under the devil’s power.  “Oh, what evil is this?” he asked at seeing the scene in front of him.

“You have dabbled in sorcery for some time already.  And now I have claimed your stepdaughter,” Hokemann said.  “But I will give you a chance to redeem her.  You can trade your soul for hers.”

Old Man Heichlar had no intention of giving himself up for Lisabeth.  You see, he was a cruel man who only looked out for himself.  “Surely there must be another way to reclaim her without giving up my soul?  Perhaps someone else can be substituted.”

“Well, then,” Hokemann said.  “There is another way.  Lisabeth told me that tomorrow a young man will come and ofter to take her to wife.  You must tell him that he can only have her if he proves himself.”

“What must he do?” Old Man Heichlar asked.

“You must tell him that he must go up to the Blue Mountain, where the Drach, the Great Old Dragon lives,” the devil said.  “In the Drach’s horde is a crown of brass.  When he brings back that crown I will claim his soul for my own.”  You see, Hokemann had wanted this crown for sometime, but even he feared the Drach.

“And if he should die?” Old Man Heichlar said.

“I will claim his soul then,” Hokemann said.

Old Mr. Heichlar liked the sound of it.  He would get his stepdaughter back and all he had to do was get rid of some strubblich interloper.  “I agree,” he said.

“Good,” Hokemann said.  “But be warned, if the young man should live and not retrieve the crown, I will claim you in his place.”

***

The next day, sure enough, Tschanni arrived bright and early.  Old Mr. Heichlar saw him coming and asked.  “Why are you here, young man?”

“I have come to ask for the hand of your stepdaughter, Lisabeth, in marriage.”

“Who are you?” Mr. Heichlar asked, “To think you are worthy of my stepdaughter.  If you want her hand in marriage you must prove it.”

“I’ll do anything, I’m not afraid,” Tschanni said.

“Good,” said Mr. Heichlar, “You must go up north to the Blobarrick, the Blue Mountain, where the Drach lives.  In his treasure hoard, you will find a golden crown, you must bring that to me.”

“We have a deal,” Tschanni said.  And so, with only his tomahawk, he set out to Blobarrick.

He had not gone far when he came upon a Distelfink, which is yellow bird with a red head.  They bring good luck, but they’re all nowadays so you don’t see them much anymore.  The Distelfink was stuck in a tree with birdlime and said, “Oh stranger, please help me. I have found myself in this cruel trap!  If you help me I shall help you.”

Tschanni pitied the little bird so he took his tomahawk and chopped off the branch and then helped the Distelfink free.  “Thank you,” the bird said.  “Where are you going on your journey?”

“I’m going up north to Blobarrick,” Tschanni said. “I must bring back a golden crown from the Drach’s treasure horde if I want to win a wife.”

“That is truly dangerous,” the Distelfink said.  “But it can be very rewarding, for in the Drach’s treasure hoard is a penny.  Just an old copper penny, take that above any of the gold and silver you find in the Drach’s cave.  I will help you get it.”

“Thank you,” Tschanni said.  “I’d be glad of your company.”

Together, Tschanni and the Distelfink set out and went north to the Blobarrick.  As they came close they bedded down one night, and the Distelfink said, “Tschanni, you must beware.  This close to the Blue Mountain, the Drach likes to come out at night.  At night he is invisible and his fire will look like a traveler’s lantern and that is how he lures travelers off the road to their doom.”

They kept on throughout the day, and that night they bedded down again, but it was shortly after dark, Tschanni saw the lights in the distance.  “There!” he said.  “That’s the Drach!”

“You must be careful,” the Distelfink said.  “If you wander off you will become lost—“

“I will stay on the road,” Tschanni said.  “But I will keep the Drach in sight.”

That is what they did.  All night they would follow the lights and whenever they disappeared, they would rest a while and when the lights re-appeared they would follow, never stepping off the road.  By morning the two travelers found themselves at the Blue Mountain.  High up on the mountain they climbed until they came to a smoking cave where the Drach lives.

“You must be careful,” the Distelfink said.  “If the Drach sees you he’ll eat you up.  Let me fly in first, and I will tell you when it is safe.”

The Distelfink flew into the cave, and there he saw the Great Dragon sleeping on a massive horde of treasure.

“You are very brave coming here, little golden bird,” the Drach said.  “For I would gladly eat you up.”

“I would make a pitiful meal,” the Distelfink said.  “And would more likely get stuck in your teeth.”

“You are quite small,” the Drach said.  “So why did you come?”

“I came here because I saw a most curious thing,” the Distelfink said.  “I saw a young man who came all this way to claim a crown from your hoard to win the hand of a girl.”

“It is a devil’s trick,” the Drach said.  “The devil Hokemann will use the crown to mark the young man and claim his soul.”  Tschanni heard this and his heart fell; how could he marry Lisabeth without the crown?

“Then how will he claim the girl?” the Distelfink asked.

“It matters not,” the Drach said.  “For the girl has been ensnared by an evil book and that devil will claim her if the young man fails in his quest.”

“How can a girl be ensnared by a book?” the Distelfink asked.

“She read too far,” the Drach said.  “She must be read free.”

“And how do you read a girl free?” the Distelfink asked.

“Simply read backwards from where she became fast,” the Drach said.

The Distelfink thanked the Drach for his answers.  “Now you must do something for me or I will eat you up,” the Drach said.  “Small meal or not.”

“I will sing for you then,” the Distelfink said.  The Distelfink was a clever bird, you see, and so he started singing, a song so sweet that the Drach could not help but listen.  Within a short while, the Great Dragon had drifted off to sleep, and then Tschanni crept in and beheld all the treasure.

“I warned you already,” the Distelfink said.  “Take only the penny or else the Drach will awake.”

Tschanni, despite himself, took only a small copper penny and together, he and the Distelfink crept out, never waking the Drach.

Tschanni and the Distelfink made their way south toward home, but as they went Tschanni grew more distraught.  “How could I have not taken more?  I could at least buy back my father’s land!”

“You have kept your soul,” the Distelfink said.  “The devil Hokemann cannot claim you now.”

“But I have no way to get my land or Lisabeth!” Tschanni said.  He looked at the penny in his hand, one of those big old copper cents, but there seemed to be nothing special about it.  “Why is this penny so important?” Tschanni asked.  Frustrated, he threw it on the ground.  When he picked it up there was another penny underneath it.  He did this again and again, and within a few minutes he had a handful of pennies, a penny being worth more back in those days, you see.

Satisfied, Tschanni and the Distelfink made their way back home.  They went straight to Old Man Heichlar, and at seeing Tschanni empty handed, he asked, “Where is the crown?”

“I was not able to get it,” Tschanni said.  “I barely escaped the Drach with my life.  But I did get some of the treasure.”  He dropped a sack full of pennies at Mr. Heichlar’s feet.

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Heichlar said.  “But the money will make no difference.  You did not bring back the crown.  If you wish to marry my stepdaughter, you must go and get it.”

“Then I will leave tomorrow,” Tschanni said, as he walked off.  But Tschanni was clever, he did not actually leave, but started looking around until he found Lisabeth.  When he found her, she was out picking thistles because that’s what Hokemann told her to do.

“She is still fast,” the Distelfink said, that is under the control of the book.  Tschanni and the Distelfink led Lisabeth into the house where they found the Sixth and Seventh Book of Moses.  With the Distelfink’s help, Tschanni was able to read her free.

“Thank you for freeing me,” Lisabeth said.  “But the devil Hokemann will return soon and if he finds you here, he will hurt you.”

“But he may try to take you when he realizes I do not have the crown,” Tschanni said.

“I will scare him off,” Lisabeth said with a smile.  She knew that devils are dangerous, you see, but not too bright.  If you keep your wits about, you can come out on top of one.

Lisabeth took up her father’s old musket and loaded it.  Hokemann came back and saw her and asked what she was doing.

“I’m loading my smokepipe,” the girl said.  “Here take a puff.”

Hokemann took the barrel into his mouth and started to draw.  Then Lisabeth pulled the trigger and fired the bullet and smoke into the devil’s mouth.  He stumbled back, coughing and sputtering before he spit out the bullet.  “You really use some strong tobacco!”

“I find it quite weak actually,” Lisabeth said.  “I prefer stronger.”  Now Hokemann was getting quite nervous about taking this girl.

Tschanni came walking up and saw her and Hokemann there as the Distelfink, who had been watching the whole scene landed on his shoulder, and whispered in his ear, telling him to say he could not bring Lisabeth any of the Drach’s tobacco, like she wanted.

“Hello, my love,” Tschanni said.  “I regret to tell you that I have not been able to get any more of the Drach’s tobacco.”

“So I am to make due with this weak stuff?” she said, looking at the musket in her hands.  By now Hokemann had heard enough, as anyone who would smoke the Drach’s tobacco was someone to beware of.

Hokemann left her and found her father.  “Why are you here?” Mr. Heichlar asked.  “Have you not taken my stepdaughter already?”

“Remember our agreement,” the devil said.  “The young man did not bring the brass crown, nor did he die.”

“Then take Lisabeth!” the old man said.

“I would not dare take one like her, a girl who smokes the Drach’s tobacco!” Hokemann said.

“No,” the old man said, getting verhuddled.  “You cannot mean…”  But it was too late as Hokemann laid his hands on Old Mr. Heichlar.

***

That night everyone for miles around heard a horrible sound coming from Old Man Heichlar’s house, like a big heavy chain being dragged across the roof, you see, and after that the old man was never heard from again.

With the old man gone, Tschanni was able to reclaim his family’s land and the magic penny ensured that never needed work again.  Tschanni and Lisabeth married and live happy for the rest of their days, or so I’ve been told.

THE END

(For the SS1 cover Fancy a Fairytale)
For the Writers-Guild-DA SS1 Contest.

I tried for a folkloric feeling in this one.  I also went back to my roots and did a Pennsylvania German (Pennsilfaanisch Deitsch) tale.  The story is original as many PA German fairytales were lost over the years, but tried to incorporate elements of PA German culture such as the Drach, an actual monster, to the Distelfink which decorates many of the hex signs all over the Deitscherei.
© 2015 - 2024 Lugal
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space-commander's avatar
Very nice. Kind of like a blue vs red (mtg reference) kind of a story. The style was great too :)